How do i change my ways?

I'm finding it hard to adjust to having a newborn. She is three weeks old and i'm having a hard time accepting how things have changed. Before baby i was a busy young professional - accustomed to the house being pristine and orderly, accustomed to things running to schedule, accustomed to order. Now i have a baby and everything has (obviously) changed. I've adjusted to the fact that there is now no such thing as a schedule but i still find myself wanting the house to be pristine - wanting to be %26quot;perfect%26quot;. When she sleeps, i'll clean and wash and cook and everything else - so ultimately i get very little sleep. I'm forever running around making sure everything is done - i realise i need to stop but just can't seem to. I can't adjust to this new %26quot;life%26quot;. I love being home with her but want to know how i can change and become a bit more relaxed about things - such as housework and the need to be able to %26quot;do it all%26quot;. Perfect house perfect baby... mother falling apart!!



Any ideas?How do i change my ways?
Hi! I totally understand your feelings! I was the very same way with my firstborn. I had a lengthy case of new mother's syndrome and that along with no sleep whatsoever made me a nervous wreck most of the time. It's tough and I wish there was some way that I could instantly cure what your going through but the only cure is a matter of time.



Your hormones and body has MAJORLY changed and that will take a few months probably for you to feel yourself again. Also now you have a little person that depends on you for everything and that makes it difficult. I would say that for myself, I probably relaxed a bit and felt a little more normal after my daughter was about 5 months old. By the time that she was 7 or 8 months I was over it completely. Keep in mind that the need for things to be perfectly clean is totally normal and referred to as 'nesting'. You are simply protecting your baby from getting sick and it also protects your health as well so that you are able to care for her.



I know you have to have things clean but right now the best way for you to recover is to make yourself lay down and rest whenever the baby sleeps. Make a routine (not a time schedule because those don't work with babies). Take one or two naps if you have to! Ask a friend, husband, or a grandparent to sit with her while you take a long bath or do something that you love (gardening, or whatever). I know it's a little added expense but hire someone to clean the house once a week or set a habit of doing a little bit of housework each morning this way the afternoon is resting time and evening is family time. Make it your goal to manage your time so that you can rest daily because that is so important now! And once you allow yourself to sleep you will have a much clearer head and will actually be able to relax more.



Also remember that you don't have to leave your daughter alone for a single moment just for you to relax or rest. No one ever watched my daughter and I learned to do things for myself (exercise, put on make-up, take long baths etc). I put her a in carrier/moses basket and she went with me everywhere in the house and even I took her shopping and out to eat with me alone. When she was old enough to sit up on her own I put her in the jacuzzi with me everyday. I know it sounds scary at first but after some time things will get easier.



I now have a second child he is a newborn and my daughter is only 15 months old and I take them with me everywhere. I still like to dress up and put on make-up every day. I still do gardening. I still go to movies and visit friends. I even sleep through the night. My husband is away now even and won't be back for a month with work. But I am completely independent and my days are spent with my little ones and I make time for myself and my home. It sounds so impossible but if you make it your goal each day to accomplish one more thing on your own, you can do anything!



Remember when you get to the point where your ready to take your daughter more out in public, then don't be embarrassed to sit and give her a bottle or nurse or even play with her while your shopping. If she starts crying in her car seat -pull over and make sure she is all right and if she cries in the car for no reason -turn up the radio. Do whatever works for you but don't be afraid to go out and do things you enjoy.



And lastly, if all else fails and you are exhausted then take a tylenol pm. Lay the baby near you -you'll hear her when she cries or needs you. But the pill will help you rest. Also ask your doctor for something to help you relax maybe xanex or something because that will give you some relief from time to time when your overwhelmed. Best of luck to you and you will do just fine! But always remember that your little one won't be little forever and its a small price to pay to be a mother.How do i change my ways?
Hello!! I read your question and felt really bad for you. The initial adjustment period is really rough!! It's going to take some time for you to adjust to the baby, the baby to adjust to you, and you both to adjust to the world.



A few suggestions... When you wake up in the morning, write a list of the things you want to get done. Your baby is probably sleeping through most of the day. I suggest get the bulk of your cleaning done when she takes her first nap... Take a nap during her second, and then the third do more cleaning. Do that until you feel like you can get everything on your list done in the first nap and then still take a nap during the second one, and then on the third, take a bubble bath, read, or do something you enjoy!!



Good Luck!!How do i change my ways?
Sounds more like a symptom of post partum - obsessive compulsiveness. If you think your place is a mess now though, wait until baby becomes a toddler and can get into everything!!



Seriously though, tell your doctor about this. If you truly can't relax about it you may want to try some cognitive behavior therapy to modify your expectations about yourself. You may even need to consider anti anxiety medication to help you relax.



Don't get me wrong, you still need to keep your house in some sort of order and relatively clean. However being obsessive about it is not healthy for you, and ultimately not even for the child. Is there anyway you could get help? A friend that would come over and clean for you or even hire a cleaning service? Look for time saving products like disinfecting wipes and Swiffers to make cleaning up that much faster. Get a dishwasher if you don't have one, even if it's just a counter top model for the babies things.



You don't mention a partner that you could lean on. Maybe a long discussion with him to see if he can pick up some of the slack might help. In some time you will get a schedule back and learn how to fit everything in. In the meantime you may need to decide that while vacuuming, dusting and keeping the dishes and counter clean are important, washing walls and windows and sweeping the driveway can wait.



Prioritize, ask for help, tell your Dr in case you are being over the top on this. Most importantly though, leave some time for you, either to sleep or spend time with the baby. Do things to make you feel good so you can maintain your mental health.!!How do i change my ways?
HI...I was kinda like you....but no so much on the pristine clean house...my house was never prestine, but it was cleaner than it is now.



I had to just keep telling myself (retrain my brain)..I have a baby now, it's not going to be the same, might as well get used to it now, so that when he's moving...I'm used to it.



Seriously, I just kept repeating that...it helped, I now don't worry so much about the smaller things.



Also, enlist in the help of your husband or boyfriend - if he's live in...they should be helpign you with the cooking and cleaning.How do i change my ways?
You sound exactly like me - I still struggle with that at times, and I now have three kids 6, 4 and 3!



Here was the best advice my mother gave me - this sounds awful, but the first 6 months of a baby's life is drudgery. Its a lot of hard work, you're sleep deprived, and you don't get much in return from them. Starting around 6 months though, they get on a schedule which was a GODSEND for someone like me, and they get their personality which also helps. And my mother always told me to try to get as much done as possible while the baby is awake - bring the baby from room to room with you as you clean for example, its entertaining for them. that way, when the baby naps, you can either nap or just relax.



If you can afford it, I *highly* recommend getting cleaning help once a week or so, that keeps my sanity.



Anyways, give it a few more months.... once the baby is on a schedule and sleeping better at night, you will feel like a new woman. Hang in there!!!How do i change my ways?
if you NEED a schedule here's how to end the insanity. Every day for a week take note of what time your baby does certain things (eat %26amp; sleep) this pattern will continue predictably for a while. During the in between times, schedule your housework so you know it's getting done. I suspect you're turning totally OCD out of boredom, I mean seriously, how much housework can a 3 week old create? I have 6 kids and As far as I remember it's really just extra laundry and taking out the trash (diapers). I am a busybody too, and I think it would be wise for you to schedule daily walks around the block or a shopping mall and lunch dates with friends around baby's nap times.



Once baby's activity level increases, your job will get harder. right now you're making things difficult on yourself. Relax, you're probably doing a great job. The housework can probably all be done in less than an hour and you can use the rest of the time in your day to read a book you've long been interested in, renew an old hobby, start a new hobby or project. TYhis time is for you and it sounds to me like for a long time you've been working to serve others, no0w your job is to work and serve yourself and your family. You will be much more interesting and the joy of life will return when you persur your interests (which I am sure isn't dusting)



enjoy and congrats