I think my wife is teaching our month-old baby a bad habit. Comments?

For the first three weeks our baby was well behaved in that she wasn%26039;t fussy when fed, diapered, loved, and held now and then. But then she changed.



Now she isn%26039;t content unless she is being held by mommy. And usually she wants mommy%26039;s nipple even though she isn%26039;t really drinking. Now, about the only time she is content (and cute) is either when she%26039;s sleeping or when she%26039;s sucking. If she%26039;s doing neither, she usually fusses and cries.



During this transformation, she also decided that daddy wasn%26039;t who she wanted to be held by. If I hold her, she reacts the same as if nobody is holding her. She cries. She must have mommy holding her.



I strongly feel that my wife%26039;s behavior unwittingly led to this change. Baby is with mommy 24/7. If baby cries, mommy immediately picks her up. If she continues to cry, mommy immediately gives her her nipple. My wife is great mother... perhaps too great. Because of how quickly she accommodates our baby, our baby cries a total of perhaps only one minute per day.



I believe that the problem is that our baby has become accustomed to being held every waking moment by her mother. And if she doesn%26039;t get what she%26039;s now accustomed to, she cries.



I decided to take action. When I hold our baby and she fusses and cries because I%26039;m not mommy, I go to mommy so that she can see that mommy is there. But I won%26039;t give her to mommy right away. I%26039;ll let her cry for up to five minutes. If she continues crying, I%26039;ll give her to mommy. But that rarely happens. What usually happens is that baby totally quits crying and fussing after three or four minutes. After that she accepts me and she will be like she was before. Already a couple of times she%26039;s fallen asleep in my arms, at which time I put her bassinet. The most notable thing is that, upon waking up, she is like she was before! No fussing or crying. She lies there for several minutes looking around and studying things. To me this proves that, by letting her cry a little, she can readjust to a new routine. Specifically, she can adjust to the way she was before when she didn%26039;t need to be held all the time, and specifically by only her mother.



My wife doesn%26039;t like me to do this because she says that our baby sucks in air when she cries and that it makes her spit up milk at night. And since she%26039;s the one taking care of the baby at night, I have no right to let the baby cry.



I say, as the father, I have the right to keep my baby%26039;s trust, particularly considering I will be the baby%26039;s primary caretaker in a couple months when my wife goes back to work. (I work at home.) I%26039;ve read horror stories of babies who cry for hours at a daycare center, and I have a feeling that is the direction our baby has been going.



I know that some of you mothers will say that a month-old baby is too young to learn. But it%26039;s clear to me that they ARE capable of learning who takes care of them most the time. And they can learn to be dependent upon that person even when they don%26039;t need to be. I think healthy babies should be able to handle some alone time.



Any thoughts or comments? (Actually I%26039;d like to know how to convince my wife, if possible, to try my method. Or to hear of others%26039; similar ordeals and how they handled them.)I think my wife is teaching our month-old baby a bad habit. Comments?
Oh they can learn all right, from early on babies become accustomed to being fussed over when they cry, and in turn do it when they%26039;re not receiving enough attention. My son was getting the same way, and was too used to us holding him until he fell asleep he wouldn%26039;t go in his chair or crib, he would just cry. As hard as it is to hear him cry you can tell when there%26039;s something wrong and when he%26039;s just crying for attention (more like whimpering). We%26039;ve started putting him down as soon as he%26039;s had his bottle and not having extra cuddles with him, so he learns he needs to settle on his own, which I think has been harder for me than for him lol



We%26039;ve had to sort this as once my partner goes back to work in May I will be alone with him, and also have a house to clean etc so won%26039;t be able to pick him up everytime he cries (which we can do now as there%26039;s 2 of us), plus it%26039;s not healthy for a baby to be spoilt and in control.



I don%26039;t understand about the crying making her spit up at night, I%26039;ve never heard of crying doing this, my son cries every day (for no longer than a few minutes at a time) and it%26039;s never caused him to spit up any more or less than he usually does. all babies will spit up a little, it%26039;s their way of getting rid of excess food when they eat more than they need! If your daughter is still feeding well I think letting her cry and learn is the best thing for her, she needs to be able to respond to you ESPECIALLY if you%26039;re going to be looking after her!



You need to get your wife to understand that your baby needs to cry, it%26039;s not causing her any harm, and that she also needs to be able to close to you without your wife taking over when she crys.



Good Luck :o)I think my wife is teaching our month-old baby a bad habit. Comments?
Maybe she could pump her milk so that you could feed her also, then she would see you both as a source of comfortI think my wife is teaching our month-old baby a bad habit. Comments?
I think that your method is TERRIBLE!! Babies are supposed to be held and loved. Seems to me that you are jealous of your wife. You aren%26039;t supposed to teach your baby not to cry...they are babies, that%26039;s how they communicate! If your baby wants mommy...give her mommy. Don%26039;t force yourself upon the baby...it will backfire and the baby will grow up never wanting to be with you. Your wife carried the baby for 9 months, that is who she is comfortable with. Your time will come. Your wife is a good mother....don%26039;t try and change that.I think my wife is teaching our month-old baby a bad habit. Comments?
Ok when you hold your baby that lets them know that you love them. So since your wife is always holding your baby, your baby feels very safe and comfertable with her. But, a baby doesn%26039;t need to be fed everytime they cry. Sometimes they need to be changed, has gas, or even just bored. They say that you can%26039;t spoil a baby until they are alot older. I think that she just only feels safe when mommy has her. She can and will learn to feel safe when you have her the more that you do. Have you guys ever tried a pacifer? Maybe since your wife breast feeds her you don%26039;t want to but I think that she should have breastfeeding down well enough that it shouldn%26039;t confuse her if you give it to her when you are holding her. My 6 week old loves to suck but of course isn%26039;t always hungry. just a thoughI think my wife is teaching our month-old baby a bad habit. Comments?
You should feed your baby that may help. You can also put your wife%26039;s shirt from yesterday over your shoulder so you will have her scent.I think my wife is teaching our month-old baby a bad habit. Comments?
Just so you know, it is TOTALLY normal for a nursing breastfed baby or even a formula fed baby to be attached to mummy and attending to her every need is mummy instinct because it is what we are supposed to do. It might take your baby a day or so to adjust once your wife goes to work but that is all and then she will be fine with you caring for her but at this young time in her life she needs mummy to be there for her as much as possible.



In the meantime it is still totally fine with you trying to bond with your baby, maybe after your wife has put your baby to sleep you can sit there and hold her for a while and be the one she wakes up to. That way she doesn%26039;t have to cry even for a few minutes on going to sleep. It is also totally normal for you as daddy to want to bond with your baby too, the only difference is because mums carry the baby for 9 months that bond has already established and it takes some time for the dads to establish one. You need to sit down and talk to your wife as well and let her know you need to bond with your baby too not just her.



In our house it was the other way around in as much as I wanted my bubs dad to bond with her but he had no real interest in spending a lot of time with her while she was little, now at 6.5 months she is totally a mummies girl and wont even let Daddy give her a bottle or put her to sleep, you will never have that problem though not as her primary carer once your wife goes back to work. My man is missing out now because he didn%26039;t try when she was little and I can see that he feels it when she starts screaming for mummy and wont stop till he hands her back to me.



Just always remember you -can%26039;t- spoil a baby with love and attention, ever. They need love and attention to thrive almost as much as they need food and diaper changes.



[Addition] Studies have proven that crying does -nothing- for their lungs, they do not need to be left to cry to strengthen anything.I think my wife is teaching our month-old baby a bad habit. Comments?
you are right to try to teach the child now that she doesn%26039;t always get her way.



however, think about this. your wife is going back to work soon, so she is trying to get all the cuddles she can now.



ALSO, she%26039;s right, if she%26039;s the one cleaning up the puke, then she isn%26039;t going to want to help cause the puke. how about you get up and help when the baby pukes? It%26039;s not like taking care of the baby all day isn%26039;t hard. and you only work from home, you can nap when the baby naps if you%26039;re really tired.I think my wife is teaching our month-old baby a bad habit. Comments?
I think it%26039;s important to remember your baby is only 4 weeks old!! All they need right now is food, sleep and lots of love. If your wife have chosen to breast feed that%26039;s awesome! I think she should get a pump and let you feed the baby a couple of times a day. You also must know that pumping takes a TON of work. So you will need to help out more. When she is feeding your baby, why don%26039;t you burp her.. and bath her. Be there as much as possible, and try not to be jealous. I know it%26039;s an exciting time, but your baby will love you just as much as mommy in a few months, but your baby is comforted by the nipple. My son was the same way with me, he wanted me all the time. And my fiance felt a little pushed out of the picture. Now our son is 5 months old and he loves daddy just as much as me. Although my fiance helps out a ton, he does work all day, but when he gets home he does all the feeding and baths baby then puts him to bed. So it works out quite nicely.

I also think you should be talking to your wife about this, communication is very important.



All the best!I think my wife is teaching our month-old baby a bad habit. Comments?
OK dad you guys are both right, baby should be able to handle time alone, also as for being choosy our baby was the same way. Wanting to be with me. I had to leave the room for my husband to feed her or else she would want my breast. Your wife is not creating the problem your newborn will change so much don%26039;t get offended. As for baby sucking in air and spitting up its going to happen regardless of crying or not. Our baby had gurd really bad her crying stemmed from her heartburn.



And if you are worried that your little one will be a screamer when your wife goes off to work get a routine going with baby soon so the adjustment wont be too severe. And remember your little one is changing everyday, what works one day may not the next. Good luckI think my wife is teaching our month-old baby a bad habit. Comments?
You can%26039;t spoil an infant.



Sucking on the nipple when not eating is not good.



Your action of taking the baby and letting her cry in your arms until she realizes that you love her, too. Good.



Letting her lie quietly, studying things. Good.



Being held by mommy. Good.



I think the nipple thing should be replaced with a pacifier.



I also think it might be healthy for Mommy to get out with the girls for an evening, and YOU watch the baby. She%26039;d get used to the fact that Daddy is important too.



Also...rather than putting her down as soon as she is well asleep, try just lying down and holding her. Put her on your tummy and enjoy letting her sleep on you. You%26039;ll be surprised how much benefit you BOTH get from it!I think my wife is teaching our month-old baby a bad habit. Comments?
Whether you believe it or not, your wife knows your baby better than you (no offense) she carried baby inside of her body for a long time and had a chance to get to know him/her in a way that you cannot imagine!



At this age, the immediate response of you or your wife to baby%26039;s needs is not only important but imperative for baby to thrive. you cannot spoil a month old baby meaning - you must tend to baby%26039;s needs so that baby will begin to trust that his/her needs are going to be taken care of!



yes, you may run into trouble down the road if mom%26039;s breast is used as a pacifier but... you cannot introduce a pacifier until 6 weeks (I recommend) so if boob makes baby happy, then it must be the way it is for now.



I don%26039;t believe that your baby has a preference as to who is holding him/her like you think he/she has. I think that the crying is not a learned response but a comfort thing. Men hold baby%26039;s different and do not have that cushy mom feel to them. to this day, for me, there is no hug like a mom hug!



A woman holding a newborn baby is more natural than anything in this world! Don%26039;t try to take that away! You need to think about it more from your wife%26039;s perspective. Imagine baby with you literally all the time! now imagine how you would feel after the ordeal of birth, missing the feeling of baby moving inside your belly, knowing that baby is safe with you at all times!



Be patient with your wife, she is just doing what comes naturally! Like you said, she will return to work soon and you will be left to care for baby! Don%26039;t worry about the way things are right now. you will have plenty of time to do it %26quot;your way%26quot; very soon!



EDIT: if you are wanting to bond with baby that is one thing. but it sounds to me as if you are wanting to just get baby away from mom so that he/she can be put down to self soothe. self soothing will happen but baby is way too young right now! hold him/her!

and... trust me on the pacifier, but DO NOT introduce this early! Wait the short 14 days to introduce!!!! I cannot stress that enough, I know others think the breastfeeding should be well enough established to introduce but wait on pacifiers and bottles for the two short weeks! It can mean the difference between a rewarding experience for you and momma and a miserable one. Nipple confusion DOES EXIST and can effect baby in ways you cannot imagine! If introduced this early, baby could develop a preference that is so strong, he/she will absolutely REFUSE the other and this preference will be with baby well, I don%26039;t know how long, because I am still having issues with it on a daily basis and my little guy is 15 months!



Good luck to you!I think my wife is teaching our month-old baby a bad habit. Comments?
Babies are smart even though you wouldn%26039;t think they are. When my baby was around a month old my family came to see her and held her 24/7 for a whole week and when they left she expected to get held 24/7. Doctors say they can%26039;t be spoiled yet but they are so wrong.



When babies cry they do suck in air but if you burp them on a regular basis the spit up is minimal. All babies spit up, its just part of being a baby.



I make sure my baby is fed and changed and then I lay her down to play with her toys if she cries I try to distract her with a toy but if that don%26039;t work I pick her up and cuddle her for a while and then lay her back down and she%26039;s fine for a little bit.



I never pick her up the second she cries cuz that teaches them that everytime they want to be held all they have to do is cry. I don%26039;t let my baby lay there and scream though either. I talk to her and try playing with her before I pick her up if she doesn%26039;t stop. Its been working pretty good for us cuz she%26039;s learning to entertain herself for a little bit.



The best thing in the world is a play gym that has the toys that hang above them. My baby loves hers.I think my wife is teaching our month-old baby a bad habit. Comments?
Young babies have very basic needs.. fed, clean and dry and held. Young babies also tend to prefer women over men.. and at this age, the baby knows mom%26039;s smell, voice, and touch. Its only NATURAL that a young infant would prefer mom.. mom is a food source!



A baby this young doesnt need %26quot;alone time%26quot;. At this age, the baby is learning to depend upon his/her parents. When the baby cries, you need to see to her needs. She needs to know that her parents are there to care for her.



I dont see what letting her cry it out accomplishes.. other than teaching her that she cant rely on you to meet her needs.I think my wife is teaching our month-old baby a bad habit. Comments?
I always feel for the fathers of babies. The fact is, they are ALWAYS ignored. New moms like to pretend that it is not the case, and that the dads are involved in %26quot;other%26quot; ways, but that is such bs unless you count changing a sh*tty diaper as being involved. I think that you are a reasonable and kind father, but your baby is only one month old. Unfortunately, they need to be held, and there is nothing that you can do about that. Maybe if it%26039;s possible your wife could pump her milk so that you can have a turn with the baby. And you could also spend some more time with your baby so that she can get more used to you and maybe one day she%26039;ll stop crying when you hold her. One month old babies are too yound to learn, but it is good to start implementing some %26039;alone%26039; time and not holding the baby whenever she cries the at about six months old. It%26039;s not child abuse, and they develop a sense of independence. Good luck, you seem like a decent person with good intentions.I think my wife is teaching our month-old baby a bad habit. Comments?
At 4 weeks they always want to be held by mommy but if she%26039;s crying because daddy is holding her, she%26039;ll be fine. its not like she%26039;s crying because she%26039;s hungry and not being fed, or because she%26039;s been left all alone, she%26039;s safe in the arms of a loving parent and a few minutes of fussing will not hurt her. most babies cry several hours a day even if you are like your wife, and always picking them up before they even start.

you have every right to hold your baby and do your part as a parent, but i wouldnt worry about her being spoiled yet, she%26039;s too youngI think my wife is teaching our month-old baby a bad habit. Comments?
You are doing the right thing in letting the baby cry. It is said that a baby can go on crying for 10 minutes and not have emotional problems when he/she grows up. Letting them cry lets them know who is in control, if all else seems fine that he/she is not sick and has been changed and fed.

You should buy a few (and I mean a few cause they are easily misplaced and lost) pacifiers so the baby can suck on between feeding times. A baby loves sucking, it%26039;s part of what they do most of at this time of month and a pacifier is very good for this.

And your wife should be understandable right now cause later on the baby will get used to getting his/her way and she will get frustrated cause she won%26039;t be able to do other things around the house that she wants to do. This might cause her to become stressed and depressed. Then, there won%26039;t be a happy family.I think my wife is teaching our month-old baby a bad habit. Comments?
Possibly the wife is too attached to baby, she needs to realize she%26039;s making it harder on u and the baby, when she goes back to work. Tell mommy you will show baby pics of her while she is gone, and don%26039;t worry, the baby will never forget about their parents. You were doing everything correct, as far as I can tell.I think my wife is teaching our month-old baby a bad habit. Comments?
Well for one thing doctors say that baby%26039;s need to cry. It helps strengthen their lungs. Of course you don%26039;t want to neglect your baby but when they are crying wait a minute or two (as long as they are safe) before picking them up. Also babies should not be sucking on things even nipples all day long, It can create bad teeth eventually. My daughter has been with me 24/7 her whole life (19 months) and when she goes to daycare she doesn%26039;t even say good bye to me she walks over and starts playing with the other kids. No crying involved. Your baby is only one month, she can develop a habit eventually so I would be careful about her being with mommy and mommies nipple all the time. I didn%26039;t even let my daughter use pacifiers, I don%26039;t believe in them. I did breast feed my daughter for 3 months and then we were done. Just be careful the older they get the harder it is to break a habit!!!!I think my wife is teaching our month-old baby a bad habit. Comments?
hi, i totally agree with u.....though babies look as mom as primary comfortor...father has equal contribution...fortunately/unfortunately… kiddo was on formula rite from her birth...but tht gave an opportunity for her father to feed her too...my hubby does everythg rite from feeding,cleaning to bathing and making her sleep...though he is away most of the time....bcuz of his office...i make sure he spends quality time wid her...god forbid, if sumthg happens to me tomorrow...even if im sick....he shud get a hang of wots happening...



i wud suggest not carrying baby all d time, not only kid gets clingy its not gud for their developmnt.. doesnt mean kid is left crying they shud be comforted and distracted...



wen it comes to breastfeeding, feed on demand....no matter wot...



for gas part, let her be on her tummy for sumtme....under an adult supervision....



Best of Luck.....